People love me

I have fans, and they are strange indeed. Someone sent me this letter that was written about me (that I was unaware of)

Is it not sad that people have indepth conversations about me during their "free time"? Should I somehow copywrite discussion of myself and thus receive royalties everytime people are attempting to fellatiate my penial system 😉

Wodz's agendas require a two-part response: first, a clarification of the prognosis implied by my previous letter; and second, a commentary on Wodz's own prognoses. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean Wodz personally for his beliefs or worldviews. But I do contend that I must work together in an atmosphere of friendship and hope.

I don't know when racism became chic, but someone once said to me, "Wodz's desire to perpetuate harmful stereotypes is both a cause and an effect of what we now see as a global increase in ageism." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. Wodz occasionally writes letters accusing me and my friends of being pugnacious lounge lizards. These letters are typically couched in gutter language (which is doubtless the language in which Wodz habitually thinks) and serve no purpose other than to convince me that I would be grateful if he would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. His associates argue that the laws of nature don't apply to him. These are the same villainous cutthroats who elevate his methods of interpretation to prominence as epistemological principles. This is no coincidence; Wodz is an inspiration to mudslinging power brokers everywhere. They panegyrize his crusade to stigmatize any and all attempts to shed a little light on some of the ignorant prejudices that reside within his pea-sized brain and, more importantly, they don't realize that Wodz's planning to exploit issues such as the global economic crisis and the increase in world terrorism in order to instigate planet-wide chaos. Planet-wide chaos is his gateway to global tyranny, which will in turn enable him to abuse science by using it as a mechanism of ideology.

If one needs a sign that Wodz is uncivilized, then consider that he wants to make us dependent on wicked meatheads for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. It gets better: He actually believes that we should avoid personal responsibility. I guess no one's ever told him that he says that it's okay to revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. In point of fact, I and Wodz part company when it comes to the issue of fanaticism. He feels that he is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people, while I suspect that it's our responsibility to argue about his prank phone calls. That's the first step in trying to convince the government to clamp down hard on his jokes while remaining true to those beliefs, ideals, and aspirations we hold most dear, and it's the only way to establish a supportive -- rather than an intimidating -- atmosphere for offering public comment. His subordinates tend to fall into the mistaken belief that the Earth is flat, mainly because they live inside a Wodz-generated illusion-world and talk only with each other.

It's not easy for me to say this, but we must put our religious and factional differences aside if we are ever to take up the mantle and break the neck of Wodz's policy of demagogism once and for all. There, I said it. Now I can continue with my previous point, which is that Wodz proclaims at every opportunity that he'd never produce precisely the alienation and conflict needed to retard the free and natural economic development of various countries' indigenous population. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks. If we can understand what has caused the current plague of inerudite, abysmal idiots, I believe that we can then stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost. Wodz wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe "as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that the Universe belongs to Wodz by right. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that we've all heard Wodz yammer and whine about how he's being scapegoated again, the poor dear. He may not be intellectually challenged, but Wodz sure is demented.

Wodz's diatribes will come back to bite us in the behind faster than you can say "gastrohysterorrhaphy". Added to this is something else: Wodz likes to quote all of the saccharine, sticky moralisms about "human rights" and the evils of quislingism. But as soon as we stop paying attention, he invariably instructs his adherents to dissolve the bonds that join individuals to their natural communities. Then, when someone notices, the pattern repeats from the beginning. Though this game may seem perverse beyond belief to any sane individual, it makes perfect sense in light of Wodz's self-centered harangues. What is the milieu in which semi-intelligible hucksters poke and pry into every facet of our lives? It is the underworld of conspiracy theory, a subculture in which lackluster, snivelling suborners of perjury share fantasies of fighting heroically against a huge conspiracy that will deplete the ozone layer by the end of the decade. He says that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. Should we care that large numbers of brutish goof-offs actually believe such hypocritical things? Should we try to convince them otherwise? I don't think so. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that wherever you look, you'll see him enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see him suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see him crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity.

I can easily see Wodz performing the following jaded, bad-tempered acts. First, he will sentence more and more people to poverty, prison, and early death. Then, he will worsen an already unstable situation. I do not profess to know how likely is the eventuality I have outlined, but it is a distinct possibility to be kept in mind.

How can we trust Wodz if he doesn't trust us? We can't. And besides, he claims that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that he should be even slightly inconvenienced. I respond that it would please him greatly to hand over the country to rash rascals. Pardon my saying so, but if he thinks that he has a "special" perspective on sadism which carries with it a "special" right to muzzle his critics then maybe he should lay off the wacky tobaccy.

Wodz's hirelings claim to have no choice but to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, scabrous sensualists. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand. The real question here is not, "Why aren't our children being warned about Wodz in school?". The real question is rather, "Does Wodz believe, deep in the adytum of his own mind, that he has achieved sainthood?" There is widespread agreement in asking that question, but there is great disagreement in answering it.

If you were to try to tell Wodz's apologists that we cannot allow vindictive, wild devotees of conspiracy theories to pass unnoticed, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that there are two sorts of people in this world. There are those who mortgage away our future, and there are those who bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities. Wodz fits neatly into the former category, of course. Truth be told, the next time he decides to revive an arcadian past that never existed, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits? Wodz accuses me of being hate-filled, yet it is he who is filled with hate. And he accuses me of being bigoted, while his analects show nothing but bigotry. Why does Wodz make those sorts of accusations, then? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how Wodz fervently believes that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that Wodz's ebullitions are continually evolving into more and more heartless incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how Wodz likes to have difficult social issues presented to him in simple, black-and-white terms. That's the current situation, and if you have any doubt about the reality of it, then you haven't been paying close enough attention to what's been happening in the world.

Everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that the sesquipedalianism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, fickle attack on progressive ideas. By preventing people from seeing that the real problem is the complexity of a changing national and world economy, Wodz's sycophants can perpetuate the myth that we have too much freedom. Let me explain. It is impracticable to make a genuine contribution to human society without exploiting the inner unity of our national will. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: Wodz will do everything in his power to promote violence in all its forms -- physical, sexual, psychological, economical, and social. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; Wodz can get away with lies (e.g., that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Wodz is lying. If Wodz succeeds in his attempt to form the association in the public's mind between any perversions he disagrees with and the ideas of hate and violence and illegality, it'll have to be over my dead body. Just to add a little more perspective, his companions are unified under a common goal. That goal is to test another formula for silencing serious opposition. I think I've dished it out to Wodz as best as I can in this letter. I hope you now understand why I say that evidence exists to suggest that his philosophies reek like rotten eggs.

Proven: I am the messiah of JK